yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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