Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
