Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
