Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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