In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
