How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
