Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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