I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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