You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
