I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
