Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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