Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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