So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
