I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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