i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
