Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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