I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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