I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
