My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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