Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just threw up on my dentist
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
