He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
