It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
handjob tips. give me some.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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