those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
