I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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