I wanna passion pit in your ass
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
