I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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