I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
