I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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