Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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