I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
