you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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