Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dick has a subreddit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
