Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
