I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My ass is underappreciated
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
