This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
