dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
