Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
