Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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