i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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