Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
