I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
