I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
