it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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