so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
