If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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