Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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