did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
