can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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