My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
