he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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